There is a lot to say about Daniel. He had a big personality and lived fully. He
loved fully. He loved his friends and the people he worked with and was
interested in talking to everyone about pretty much everything. He loved to talk
about ideas, and history and politics and computers and people’s wishes for
themselves or difficulties in their lives. He had a strong sense of fairness and
care for those who were struggling, that could be seen even at a young age. I
picture Daniel as a young child of ten visiting a school for children with cerebral
palsy. For Daniel there was no difference. He made friends with children on the
floor and children on stretchers. As he grew older, he had other experiences with
children who had difficulties. He talked about one of them in his Bar Mitzvah
speech. He talked about the friendliness of this child and that it was sad that
other children gave him a hard time because of his learning issues. He also
talked about AIDS in his Bar Mitzvah speech and how horribly people with AIDS
were treated. That was in 1991 when many people were dying from AIDS. Daniel
talked to homeless people and to people that seemed on the sidelines. His
appreciation for people was never because of their wealth or success but rather
because they worked at changing some of the harsh realities of this world. Daniel
was brave, but smart in his interactions with people. He had a strong sense of
himself. At the age of three he asked two children on the street if he could join their
game. They said, “No.” He came home and told me they would have liked him
if they had known him.
Daniel could also be mischievous and as a teenager, probably got into more than
his share of activities that made me worry. He was not good at planning ahead.
He liked to push boundaries. He could get caught up in the excitement of an
idea. Daniel, in his early teens, was spending a lot of time online and met someone
who was hacking into computer systems. Though I don’t think they were friends for
very long, Daniel also became involved, and I think enjoyed the challenge and the
excitement. I received a phone call from the FBI letting me know this was happening
and looking for information about Daniel’s online “friend.” I may have blocked out the
rest of the story since that is all that I can remember.
Daniel was interested in everything. His mind was always active and he had
unusual and creative solutions for many of the life and work problems he faced.
He was very bright but had to deal with some learning disabilities. Handwriting
and spelling were difficult but as his third-grade teacher said, he was the one that
could be counted on to understand the meaning of the stories they read aloud in
class. He loved language. He loved playing with it and adding previously
unrecognized verb tenses or seeing what a word meant without the prefix. He
loved learning new words and making up new words. Daniel loved stories in
every form. As a young child he would listen happily as his parents read long
stories, requesting that they be read over and over. His parents, at least his
mother, thought once was enough. He listened to stories on a record player and
as a grown-up sometimes listened to them on tape. He loved plays and shows
and would often have many characters parts memorized. He said that he never
“read” a book and that may be true, but he loved listening to stories orally.
As an adult he quoted phrases and ideas he remembered from “Charlotte’s Web”
and “From the Mixed-Up Files…” He frequently said to me, “Are You My Mother?”,
also from one of his childhood stories. He understood and remembered everything
that he heard but found the reading process more difficult.
Daniel’s first career was working in record promotion. At the age of 20 he was
offered a job in California working for a small record promotion company. The
company had met Daniel through his work at the radio station at Knox College.
Daniel moved to California to work for that company and then moved to other
record promotion companies where he had greater responsibilities. Daniel’s
personality was perfect for the work. His boss at Ultimatum said that there are
certain things you can teach someone but Daniel’s ability to interact with clients
was not something that could be taught. Daniel had an energy, warmth, sense
of humor, and understanding of peoples’ needs that brought him great success
in the music promotion industry.
Daniel’s next career was working as a computer programmer. He worked on a
program for children with autism. Originally, as a student at Temple University,
he worked as a volunteer, but after several months he was hired and soon
became a senior programming engineer. As his boss said, a lot of Daniel’s
programming was not conventional but had been devised by Daniel. Along with
his programming work he became very involved in politics. He spent hundreds
of hours in both paid positions and volunteer positions for campaigns.
Daniel was not perfect. He could be stubborn and argumentative. On a weekend
trip to the shore with friends, after his graduation from high school, he filmed a
phone conversation with me (creating reality TV) and then afterwards turned to
the camera and talked about our relationship. He acknowledged that he had
difficulty accepting rules from me while growing up as well as accepting rules
from others in authority.
I have written the stories in this book as a way of continuing to be Daniel’s
mother, as a way of honoring him and as a way of keeping his memory alive.
Daniel’s sense of humor and justice were special and if there are times that a
memory of him inspires someone to honor the humanity of the homeless or any
of the many groups that are struggling, then Daniel is here.
I especially miss Daniel’s advice. He was really good at helping me deal with
difficult situations. I miss his hugs and the great love he showed, and I miss that
things in my house used to work.
Losing your only child is a life changing experience that cannot be explained.
What was once a full rich life for me has been reduced in nearly every way. My
world is no longer the same.
Daniel’s experiences came to an end, but we know
where he was heading and what mattered to him. Daniel would be proud to
know how many people cared about him and I’m very thankful for people who
have continued to keep Daniel as a part of their lives.