The third love language is for those who feel or express love through concrete symbols such as gifts. Daniel in the last few years of his life was continually bringing me gifts. This section could be endless and probably quite boring so I will limit the gifts discussed to just a few. Daniel constantly had ideas for things to get me. I told him I didn’t need anything. His response was, “I like buying you things.” Some of these presents I never learned to use and some totally changed my life. Daniel loved electronics. Three years ago he decided I needed an iPhone instead of a flip phone. I was totally against it. I told him that my flip phone was perfectly fine. Once I got the iPhone it became a constant companion and something I can’t imagine being without. The same is true of the printer and the ability to scan documents. The Amazon Fire stick I never learned to use though Daniel patiently explained and demonstrated its use several times and even helped me add movies to my “Favorites”. The juicer was never used. The wire that allows me to turn on the lamp without picking the plug up from the floor has been invaluable. I have a box filled with the results of Daniel’s on-line search for things to help me when I was suffering from a joint disease. The month before he died he wanted to get Nutcracker tickets since that had been such an important tradition in my childhood.
Daniel had high standards for unusual things. He wanted to get a pillow that would help me with neck pain. He ordered one that was filled with little bits of something that he had seriously researched on line. The little bits could be taken out to make for a perfect pillow. I was exhausted a long time before Daniel was, trying to get the pillow to be as comfortable as possible. The truth is, I thought it was comfortable no matter how much stuffing was in it. He also bought a bamboo pillowcase that had been the subject of hours of research. Just before he died, he arranged with his organizer to spend time helping me to make better use of my art space. All of these things showed me at the time, and continue to remind me now, how much I was loved.
There are still two more love languages to look at in future entries but as we approach the one year anniversary of Daniel’s death, it would be great to think of some of Daniel’s most noteworthy traits: his inclusiveness, his concern for those who are struggling, his kindness and his generosity, and find a way to honor him. There are endless good deeds that need to be done in our world but several that come to mind are sharing food or money with a homeless person, making a donation to any cause that fights the hatred and bigotry we are now seeing, trying to become more environmentally conscious in whatever way works for you, or including someone in your conversation who seems to be feeling left out. This is a world much in need of good deeds.
I have said in past blogs that I have tried to avoid being “the grieving mother” in these posts but as it nears this significant anniversary of Daniel’s death I want to say that the love I had for Daniel is more than could possibly be imagined. He was everything to me from the moment he was born. Every day I light the candle beneath his pictures and hope that I have done something that day to honor his life.