What I learned from Daniel

Mother’s Day is probably an appropriate day to look back at some of what I learned from Daniel.  Some of what I learned was from what he said to me, some was from his existence.  

The most overwhelming thing I learned was how much you could love another human being.  I remember being at the Mummer’s Parade when Daniel was less than two.  We were sitting on the sidewalk.  I saw a man about to step on Daniel and somehow I lifted the man so that he did not touch him.  I wondered afterward about the strength I had gathered from some where to do that.

 I learned from Daniel to volunteer to help with a happy heart.  As a young person, my hand was always up when anyone needed anything and later I often regretted having volunteered.  Daniel helped everyone, neighbors, friends, people at work and others.  He was never sorry about the time it took.  One neighbor had a business that constantly needed computer support and his wife sometimes needed help at home with carrying things or moving things.  Daniel never resented when people asked for help.  When I occasionally complained  about something I had volunteered to do, Daniel said to do it with a “happy heart” saying that I should  be  glad that I could help someone.  He also always said he would help me do whatever it was that I had volunteered to do.  In addition to volunteering to help friends and neighbors, Daniel put in hundreds of hours  volunteering for campaigns in addition to the hours he was paid for.

 
While I had always  believed that a person’s worth had nothing to do with what he owned, I occasionally got caught up in the  materialistic world we live in and would mention the wealth of someone I had met.  Daniel was totally disinterested and made it very clear.   The people Daniel respected most were those who were doing good work to help those  who were struggling in our society.  They were people he worked with, not the rich and famous.

Generally, I have thought of myself as a fairly positive person.  The two years before Daniel died I  had several illnesses that made it hard to move.  Daniel was supportive in every possible way.  He looked on line and found numerous electronic gadgets that were meant to deal with the pain.  He sat with me and told me funny stories to distract me when nothing else helped the pain.  He came in, in the middle of the night and sat with me when I screamed because I had inadvertently moved causing intense pain. I complained every day that something hurt.  Daniel was totally supportive but he also told me that I had a good life.  I never  heard him complain about any of the big challenges in his life and say anything that indicated that life was unfair.  He thought we both should be happy with what we had. 

Another thing I learned from Daniel was that gossip diminished the person who is being gossiped about as well as the person who is gossiping.  I had a habit of talking about the physical features of some of the people in the news media.  I found my observations amusing.  Daniel was not interested and was probably a little disappointed that I was critical in that way.  I also occasionally made comments about people I knew.  Again, Daniel said he did not want to hear it. 

There are many more things I learned from being around Daniel but I think I’ll end this entry with saying that I learned from Daniel, that big dogs, particularly pit-bulls, are great.

I am generally trying to keep these entries unsentimental.  Because it is Mother’s Day, I’m making an exception.

 Daniel, thank you for the privilege of being your mother for 40 years.                                  You were my greatest gift. As long as I live, I will be thankful that you were in my life. That you were my life.